Do We Really Mean It?

My dear lovely people. I’ve been wondering… You know the phrase ‚for richer or for poorer‘? What does it remind you of? Well, of course, wedding wows. My partner and I are heading down that road to get married it seems. We both know we want it but I think he will only propose once he feels he has sorted out the major obstacles in his way. Like getting a decent job and hopefully getting to see his children again. One way or another, everything at the moment is a waiting game, including Brexit.

For richer or for poorer… Do we really mean it when we say it? Or is a part of us skipping over the ‘poorer’ part in our hearts? How much are we really willing to stick with our partners when it gets tough? I’m not referring to abusive partners giving you a hard time. I’m referring to good partners having a tough time.

Here is a beautiful thought – we are stronger together. We really are. And the more I observe the world and the couples in it, especially couples from history, the more it’s obvious how a woman can influence a man. He’s a rock, he’s a driving force. (So are women, but in a different manner I find but just as fascinating.)

Most of the time men are not slowed down by the huge volume of emotions we women are dealing with every minute. Of course men have emotions but as far as I can tell, there is a place and time for them to deal with emotions, or perhaps not deal with them at all, but they seem to be able to focus on work much easier.

Now imagine any average man at the beginning of his life, about to choose a career. Then he meets a woman. We all can be needy, but in this case if the woman is needy and unhappy with herself, she can drain this man, his energy, his time, his money. He might try to make her happy but to no avail. She starts controlling him, restricting him, obsessing. His career will never take off, he might waste ten, twenty years, never realizing the potential he had. Most of us don’t believe in ourselves and need someone else to believe in us. If that never happens though…

And now that famous scenario – behind every strong man is a strong woman. It’s true. A woman who can see the potential in her man, and if that man trusts her, she can propel him to the top of everything, top of a job, top of a state. All she needs to do is to believe in him, support him, fire him up, hold him back from making naïve mistakes, trust him, give him space, give him time. And above all – she needs to do that over years. Who of us is still prepared to invest years into a partner?

(By the way, each scenario can be reversed like in the Obama couple. First she supported him, and it looks like he will be doing the same for her now. True equality, go figure.)

But seriously. Who is prepared to invest years in a person, time, money, wisdom, energy? These days we look at a person and try to establish as quickly as possibly if that person is a winner or a loser.

There are two levels we can look at a person: as a partner and as an individual in the society. How someone is as a partner, that can be established fairly soon. But say you notice you really like this person, he really resonates with you, you have a lot in common, you are both kind and great and share similar values. This could be a great fit and a great partner. But he or she is in trouble, perhaps poor, had a crisis or is still at the start of the life path. Or just never believed in him or herself despite the potential. Poor or rich, I said to my partner – as long as you are a happy individual which makes you a pleasant partner to be around, I really don’t care about the money.

Is that true though? Mostly it is but there are quite a few moments when I catch myself doubting. Our old friend Fear comes visiting, asking all kinds of questions (usually it’s my mother asking them, that’s why I limit phone calls with her as much as I can LOL). Questions like ‘how will you finance the kids’, ‘how will you achieve your own dreams if he’s always dragging you down’…you get the idea. The answer is – I don’t know, mother! Back off, is what I want to scream into the phone, but I say nothing instead. Then I shake myself. She doesn’t know. No one does. Only I see my man the way he is. Only I see what he’s capable of and not because I’m close to him but because I actually look at him. I see him do his best. And deep deep down in my heart and in my gut I know that our future could be a fantastic one but it all depends on one thing – on me believing in him, with all my heart, unwaveringly. No, there is no guarantee he will succeed. There is no guarantee either that I will manage to achieve to complete my own projects and chances are, I will get stuck in my office job forever, who knows!

But I know one thing. If I left the relationship now for example, everything would fall either apart or back in some mediocrity. Together not only do we feel more alive and loved and happy, but we feel we can achieve anything.

No, it’s not easy. In fact I’m struggling every day because I’m not a patient person and yet in times like these when everything seems to be a waiting game, patience is what is needed and I suddenly understand what they mean by having to have faith. Since I’m not a religious person, the concept of faith has always been strange to me. To have faith in a tomorrow is the most difficult thing actually. I like being able to decide, to protect myself from possible harm, to predict and control an outcome if possible. But I’m not alone any more. I don’t want to be alone. Ah well, in that case I have to embrace everything what a relationship brings with it. And it sure brings a lot of unknown variables I can’t control.

It’s funny, isn’t it? We can’t wait to find someone to be able to say “I do” but we want to brush aside the part “for richer or for poorer”. In the end though, if we really mean it, we can build such a beautiful world, a world full of warmth and laughter and children. If both really pull hard, everything can be done. As partners in a relationship or as a society or a nation, we’ve proven it times and again, only together can we really change things. There is no need to stay alone. Sure, alone we can accomplish many things, no doubt. But never as much as we can together. At least that’s my view. What do you think?

Have a great weekend!

Yours

Dasha