on Netflix! (If You Haven’t Yet)

Well, my lovely people, Valentine’s Day is successfully(?) behind us and when it comes to the topic of sex, I will leave it up to you to judge if Netflix is doing a good job on sex education. First they released the cartoon Big Mouth and now the series “Sex Education”, being really brave and accurate in their observations.

I wonder who are the writers of these series? How do they put their material together? Do they actually talk to teenagers about their experiences? Or do they simply try to remember their own?

I won’t give you any spoilers, I hate spoilers (and yet I live with the biggest spoiler of all times lol – but actually I think it’s cute how my partner can’t wait to share a movie or series with me:).

I will only say that the main character reminded me of myself when it came to knowledge about sex.

I’m not entirely sure why I was so curious about sex since a very early age but I tried to read anything about it wherever I could. Back then there was no internet, so all I had were beautifully bound and illustrated proper books on sex, then there was a magazine for kids called Bravo with a section where a proper doctor was answering teenage questions about sex.

Bravo was a German magazine and my friends were only buying it for the posters of pop stars in it, but I actually knew German and learned a lot.

For someone who had very bad experiences far too young, as a teenager I had a surprisingly healthy stance on it. And since my friends noticed I can easily talk about sex, they kept coming to me for advice, sometimes they still do or at least open up about it and we share our experiences.

It keeps surprising me how different we all are in what we like when it comes to sex. But one thing we all have in common – our insecurities. Some more than others. Opening up about them makes us feel vulnerable. So I guess the partners who manage to make us trust them enough, get to hear about these insecurities. And something wonderful happens in that moment – the one thing we are afraid of the most, which is to not be accepted for who we are, turns out to have been a waste of time and we end up being closer to our partners and they start to love us in that moment of imperfection. It took me a long time to understand this concept: that trying to be perfect, doesn’t make others like or love us. It’s the goofy parts of us that are actually likeable on that deeper level.

Or turn this upside down – a potential partner who demands perfection, for sure is not someone who will ever accept you – nor really love you.

I have a confession. I appear to be all fine and confident about myself and for most of it I finally am. And yet…and yet I keep on making pressure on myself to become perfect or not look older. I deny myself to drink alcohol and constantly try to watch what I eat so I wouldn’t get wrinkled baggy skin under my eyes. But the more pressure I make, the more Sensation Crisps I eat. My favourite is the Chilly one.

And here we are. It’s one of those typical female things, isn’t it – the insecurity about our bodies. Every man is scared of her question “Do I look fat in these pants?”

We women don’t even give the guy the chance to compliment us on our figure, we just set him up for failure because no matter what he says, she will be mad.

And even if you compliment us every day, it helps but it is never enough. And I’m sorry about that.

I have a trick. Do you wanna know? I don’t ask these kind of questions any more. Part of me is unhappy how much weight I gained in the office again but I know it’s pointless pointing that out aaaaaall the time. I know it’s unsexy.

What is sexy? Confidence, duh.

I had this fat but beautiful friend and she always got a great man. Because she was simply so full of life and sparkling and that was attractive like hell. So I think of her whenever I want to berate myself in front of my partner. I do one better – I try to enjoy my curves and feel sexy about myself and bring that into bed. And then we actually have more sex than we otherwise would if I retreated in my unhappiness, and with more fun in bed I ACTUALLY feel accepted and ok and really sexy.

We humans are weird. I don’t know who teaches us women to be uneasy about our bodies. I’m really sorry.

But that is why I started taking photos of my friends, doing portraits, to SHOW them how beautiful they are! And it worked!

I guess we ALL need as much appreciation as possible. And to most women, yes, beauty is important. But men don’t get around being objectified in the media either and that’s really a shame.

Anyway, all I’m trying to say is – we need to send our insecurities to hell not our relationships:)

Have a lovely weekend!

Dasha