Becoming a step mother has actually raised my confidence. How?
My whole life I kept avoiding having children for many reasons, the main being that I knew I was too screwed up myself to be a good mother, the other simply that I was only able to have relationships with the wrong men who I couldn’t see as the father of my children.
But in the last years I managed to get to a good place where I could actually see myself becoming a mom. The thought was still overwhelming but I finally felt balanced and patient enough. And then I met My Mr. X, my fantastic partner, a father of 4. Not one, not two or three but four children! The youngest is still a baby or a toddler. Before they came to visit us for the first time since I’ve been together with Mr. X for 2 years, I was so nervous, I overate on junk food to the point of almost bursting my stomach. Not exaggerating.
But now they have been with us twice for one week and I gave my best. I like children, I’ve always got along with them and they seemed to like me as well, actually since I was a girl myself. But this was different. I couldn’t send these kids home after 2 hours. So I got up before anyone else did, including their dad, got fresh rolls and bread, made them breakfast, played games with them, we went all swimming and go-karting, cooked lunch, was making sandwiches for the road, always thinking ahead what we can take with us on the trips so we don’t spend a fortune on the road just eating. Then washing the dishes, cooking, washing the dishes. You have the feeling that half the time you’re just washing the dishes, the other half cooking of course. LOL.
It was going well, better than I thought. After the first week my partner said in a loving joke, you’re getting your first badge as a ‘mom for a week’. I thought that was really cute and it was amazing how he acknowledged my efforts.
At first I felt as if I was still pretending to be a grown-up. Age means nothing. I’m 42 and while I have no issue taking responsibility for myself and my partner, taking care of children is a whole other level. I made the decision to simply take charge, be in control, not fuss about anything, not take their moods to heart and just be there for them, teach them, support them, give them my attention and care. Not only did that work but I found myself feeling possibly like my own mother and had to smile. I know I bitch about her at times but when it came to household, cooking, family time, having a clean house, she taught me well. Every task I could do without even thinking about it, I was whirling around, forgetting to drink enough water and finding myself sweaty and thirsty in the evenings. But I was happy and proud.
This experience is reflecting now in other areas in my life. Any insecurity that was left when dealing with colleagues or friends is practically gone. I have this strange new found confidence and I kinda like myself much more. It’s hard to explain. As if my decision to lead others made me stop doubt myself which was one of my major issues in life anyway. And as I stopped doubting myself, I also have a bigger drive in my business and I don’t fall into depressions after I’ve felt immovable to work on my events or writing.
Perhaps this is why we admire people with big businesses. There is something about them, especially people who not only built a business for the money’s sake but because they wanted to improve the life of others. They seem larger than life, be it Henry Ford or Elon Musk.
Now I’m starting to get eager to take on a new career. I don’t care anymore if I make mistakes or if someone will be mad at me or a dick of a boss. Which is another change – I’m not afraid of conflict that much anymore either. So strange.
Trying to take care of myself wasn’t enough. It helped but it didn’t do the trick for me. Taking on responsibility for others, decide to lead them and allow to humbly learn from these children just as well, this is where the magic lies.
So there! With a new confidence I’m here to tell you – go to my events page on my website and sign up already for my new game! Go on, move!:) I need 6 women and 6 men to join me in Coventry, Leicester or London. I love to lead the event, it’s always a lot of fun, inspiring, connecting everyone and I love leading the evening and make a bit of a fool of myself so you can have an extra laugh. Don’t just moan about not understanding men or women, come and find out what’s really going on with everyone.
