Let me share my joy with you.
It was my birthday on Sunday 1st. As I’m writing this, it is only a few days after. 43. I’m 43 now. “Such a stupid number,” I thought, as I woke up at 7am. But I was looking forward to the day because my gift from Mr X was to spoil me in bed… I took a shower, washed my hair, got ready… I couldn’t sleep any longer anyway, despite the Sunday and the opportunity to lie in. But Mr X made an effort and got up as well and cuddled with me. It was a very nice…cuddle;)
Aaaaaanyway, we finally got up and went downstairs. On the table there were waiting not one, but two flower bouquets. Beneath it a big chocolate box and a birthday card in an envelope made out of recycled paper. I was all smiles and thanks and went into the kitchen.
“Open the card!” he said- OK, ok…!
I leisurely strolled into the kitchen, took the sharpest knife to open the envelope because I wanted to save it for posterity, so I neatly tried to cut up the envelope but couldn’t get the last bit apart and couldn’t get the card out either. I could feel his impatience. Why are you so impatient, my love, I thought, it’s just a birthday card.
It was a sweet birthday card, two knitted dog puppets sitting on a red moon holding champagne glasses. The card said: ”To my gorgeous Girlfriend, I love you to the moon and back.”
Second page (there were several in it, very unusual and lovely), the cute puppets were holding hands and below it said: ”You’re the best girlfriend in the world…”
Third page, the doggies were hugging and below it said:”…and you’re wished the best birthday ever!”
Next page the card said: ”With lots and lots of love” and beneath in Mr. X’s beautiful handwriting: ”To my one and only, Dasha. All my love, now and forever, Your Dark Knight. xxx”
And then he also wrote “Turn over” with an arrow pointing to the next page.
And on the last page it said in his handwriting: ”I have a question for you…”
Heart pounding, my mind racing. What?! NOW!?! Not even fully dressed? (LOL) Really??? Oh my god oh my god oh my god.
I turned around and there he was.
On one knee, looking seriously at me and said: “Dasha, will you marry me?”
When it finally happens, when your dream comes true, no matter how much you wished for it and imagined it, it still hits you like a brick. The seriousness of the moment surprised me.
This is it. Am I ready?
My tears were rolling in streams, hands went up to my face, covering it in disbelief like I’ve seen so many women do before me. The flood of emotions was overwhelming and I was so happy they were there because they confirmed how very much I loved this man and how much he means to me!
He did his very best the last two years to prove he was the man I saw in him. And he did. Not that he had to prove it so much to me as I had the feeling, he, for once, wanted to see for himself all that he is capable of, if only he had the right partner at his side. I think he is having a blast next to me, flying and enjoying the rush of all his accomplishments. And when time slows down and there is nothing else to do, there is always me, with inviting warm arms, always there for him to be able to recover and recharge in them.
There was perhaps a fraction of a moment, just a tinsy tiny fraction, in which I almost panicked. But the love in his eyes and with my tears running and my heart pounding, there was only one answer I could give.
Life is scary and the universe only knows that life with Mr. X will always be exciting and unpredictable in many things. But of one thing I can always be sure – of his love for me, of him always acting in the best interest for us, even if we have to be apart at times.
“YES!” Yes, I will marry you, I think I kept on saying. I don’t really remember any more, it’s all a bit of a blur.
We’ve discussed this ages ago. Once he proposes, I want to get married soon, no long engagement. I just want to be his in every way, period. It’s hard to explain. It runs contrary to any feminist thought I guess but who cares.
We are two individuals who will never melt into one and lose ourselves in the relationship. The equality is guaranteed. But we both are also carrying the weight within our love and share the responsibilities.
Because he complained a year ago how men never get to decide anything when it comes to the wedding, I promised him, IF we ever get married, he can plan it all and pay for it as well. And so he did. I thought I would end up with a Batman wedding but no. (Well, it turns out, he did think of doing a SuperHero wedding.) We are doing it in three parts. In December a simple registry in a beautiful venue, in June a handfasting – druid style, and after that a big party in my home country.
Mr. X has organized and sorted out the December part within 2 days! That’s how it’s done, lol. Ladies, I guess we are not doing ourselves any favours by trying to do it all by ourselves. 🙂
The only thing I AM doing myself is my hen party with the help of my friends and finding the dress.
I guess I get to wear at least two different dresses. Since I’m over 40, I want something that will actually look good on me. No ball gowns, no matter how much I would love to look like a princess. Something simple and elegant, that would be ideal. But definitely in white because the first time around when I got married, I had a deep red dress. I promised myself to make up for that.
So this is it! Let’s hope Brexit doesn’t get in the way of us joining our lives. But no matter what happens, I feel married to him already and there is no obstacle which could come between us, as long as we are loyal to each other.
Loyalty, honour, integrity. Some of the core values we share deeply.
Have you ever heard of handfasting? It’s a beautiful and meaningful long ceremony, connected to our world that we live in. I would have never thought of it and I’m really glad my fiancé insists on it.
A colleague at work asked me, are you not afraid? I’m so afraid to get married! she said.
No, I’m not afraid one bit. Excited, yes. A might be a bit anxious because I will be making decisions not only for myself and on my own but there is another person influencing where our lives will flow. I won’t be in control any more but I think I learned to live with that by now and I’ve started to enjoy it.
The rest, what is there to be afraid of? We’ve had a contract since the beginning of our relationship, discussing everything that is important to us, what is acceptable or not acceptable. We have discussed any financial scenario and goals and what would happen in case of a divorce, who would keep what, and I am happy to sign a prenup. Why not? I intend to work and to contribute to our life, as well as build my own assets which matter to me. A big house doesn’t matter to me. Even if I paid half of it, I would not want it nor would I want to sell and split the money. Why would I do that? Because if we buy or build a big house, I will be living in it just as well. Of course I will contribute towards it. But it should stay in the family, with the children. What I do want is one small house at the Mediterranean seaside. That one will be mine. Clarifying these things ahead actually makes it possible to have a more stress free marriage, then no fears are able to grow, and you are not wondering all the time “what if” he or she betrays me…
Why am I such a strong advocate of brutal clarity and honesty? Because I know myself to be full of fears, I am a woman after all and it’s only natural, but I’m sure I have a couple of additional ones and I used to lean towards drama, looking for it. The only way I know how to stop myself from looking for drama, is clarity. A contract and prenup provides that clarity and peace of mind, giving the couple a fighting chance. Giving US a fair chance.
I love the romance of the moment when he proposed to me. It wasn’t as I expected nor as he originally planned, but it was a wonderful surprise and I will forever cherish the memory of it.
But in order to keep our happiness and be able to have more of these romantic moments at times, a level head and sober discussions are needed. I know a level head doesn’t seem romantic. But perhaps there is romance…and romance.
What I mean is, there is our foolish (romantic) notion of the idea of a relationship, a dream which turns into a nightmare when we meet our potential partner who then doesn’t meet our ‘expectations’. (These bloody pesky expectations!). All that falling in love crap (and for most of us it is crap as I’m defending my stance in my book) we call romantic but what is really meant, is that period of self-deception, the need and wish of someone taking care of us, happy at the idea we have possibly found that someone who will cater to US, not really thinking about what we can do for him or her, who the partner really is.
And then there is the kind of romance, those moments which come from real love, a real connection, two people actually knowing each other, seeing each other. Actually LIKING each other.
Moments which are planned out of pure selflessness, actions which are being taken in order to make the partner happy and feel loved. It’s about giving, not taking, at any given moment. When you achieve that kind of connection, leaving all neediness behind, there is a romantic moment woven into every day, at a touch of his hand, the way you kiss first thing one of you comes home, looking into each other’s eyes when making love, and smile.
I wish everyone of you this kind of happiness!
And because I wish for the whole world to become happier, I gathered my knowledge of how to get there, in my book, hoping it will help others untangle their Gordian knots, whichever needs untangling. And that is why I will continue with my events, my communication game, getting everyone to have fun practicing getting to know each other.
Hope to see you soon.
Yours
Dasha
