Hi, I’m Dasha, author of the amazing book “Don’t Chase Love – Cut to the Chase”. I’m doing a series of articles on relationships and in the next couple of weeks I’ll give you an insight into mine. If I’m trying to teach vulnerability, it’s only fair to show how it’s done.
This is the first of seven articles I’ll be releasing in the coming weeks. I’ll try to make this brief and amusing. Imagine someone sitting across me, with a microphone held to my face and grilling me:
Journalist: “So, Mrs. Schindler. Or should I be calling you Mrs. Webb-Benjamin? Or Schindler-Webb-Benjamin? Wow, that’s confusing.”
Me: “Mrs. Schindler will do for now. I’m afraid to change my last name during Brexit times. What if my settled status won’t be acknowledged all of a sudden if my last name doesn’t match up the one on the application, you know what I mean? Please, just call me Dasha.”
Journalist: “Oh, I so get it. OK, great, Dasha, so what’s it like to be married to a genius?”
Me: “Honestly? Freaking frustrating!”
Journalist: “Didn’t expect this kind of answer. Why is that?”
Me: “You know how we women are accused of thinking too much? Imagine a guy who is thinking even more than you. And not only that, he shares every thought with you while he’s trying to figure out how to save the world.”
Journalist: “Save the world?”
Me: “Exactly! You think it’s not possible? To quote my husband (his name is Jean-Brunel or JB for short):’If we hadn’t imagined to put a man on the moon, it would have never happened. So why not try to imagine a better world for all of us? It’s only impossible if you stop people trying to imagine it.”
Journalist: “Wouldn’t you say the world has been successful at distracting people from imagining a better life?”
Me: “Yes. But with the health crisis across the world and despite all the problems we have, the one good thing is that many people are rediscovering the joy of having time for themselves and their families and what really matters, and of course can see better everything that’s not working. And with #blacklivesmatter it seems we are all ready to have a more balanced world.”
Journalist: “Back to why it’s frustrating to be married to a genius.”
Me: “Because I’m constantly craving his closeness (like any typical woman does who adores her man), and yet he has so little time for personal time. Typical destiny of a woman who chose a true alpha man. Sigh.”
Journalist: “So what do you do?”
Me: “The only thing I can do in order to keep myself sane – I try to focus on my own projects, like the communication game before, now the book for adults about love, and that’s just the start.
In a way, his extraordinary focus on his projects is forcing me to focus on mine. The woman in me just wants to spend time with her gorgeous man, but the partner in me knows that this curse is actually a blessing or else I’d never get anything useful done except cooking for him and moon over him. He doesn’t let me. I don’t know whether to scream or be grateful. I should probably just shut up and be grateful.”
Journalist: “Why do you think he’s a genius? What does he do?”
Me: “He’s developing platforms which will protect our data. I could go on and on about it but it’s actually already out there and you can check it out on his website, I’ll put a link below.
What I love about him is that he has this huge energy! People usually know him as this bouncy fun guy. Of course that’s not all he is. His mind works differently to anything I’ve ever seen. For example, even at work at Freshfields, he was allowed to have his headphones on and watch or listen to anything he liked because even his colleagues noticed that he is far more productive when he has several different inputs at the same time.
I’m the complete opposite for example. If I want to focus on anything and be productive, I need complete silence. But he seems to feed off data. He can watch a series in the background, trace several different media platforms, have loud music on, the more bass the better and do coding without a hitch. I keep saying he’s Napoleon who was known for doing 7 things at the same time.”
Journalist: “Wait, if you need quiet and he needs so much noise, how does that work?”
Me: “LOL. simple, by working in separate rooms on different floors and for now even sleeping in different rooms because he needs to be up till early mornings because his business partners are crazy creative people working through the night or he needs to wait for people from San Francisco to be available. But don’t worry, every update he has, he comes to my room and tells me all about it.
It was so funny. The first time we went to visit my family in Slovenia and I was driving the car and needed his help to watch out for certain road exits, I suddenly found him asleep even though it was the first time…in a car…with ME driving. When I asked how come he fell asleep, he said, he had no data input and his brain shut down, relaxed and he couldn’t help himself.
He is a great strategic thinker, interested in a million things and he retains all data, constantly works on complex projects. He just has a fantastic mind and I saw what he can do and build. And it’s just the start.”
Journalist: “Wait, how can it be just the start. What did he do before?”
Me: “Before he met me? He was constantly trying to please a very needy and abusive partner and didn’t have five minutes to himself to actually build anything of his own.
But that’s what happens when we have our first relationships in life… We choose partners similar to our parents, hoping that if we could fix the partner, we somehow could manage to fix the history with our parents. Luckily he realised it’s not possible and after 15 years decided he was worth more than the shitty treatment he got until then.”
Journalist: “Wow, so true. We need to go into this deeper another time. Have you known he’s a genius when you met him?”
Me: “Well, actually, the secret to a strong couple are the values they share. We both have grown up, wishing to be able to help the people around us. I don’t know how others haven’t spotted his talents but I knew he was special in the first five minutes of meeting him. I mean, LOOK at him! Doesn’t everything about him scream intelligence, a bright mind and a bright soul?”
Journalist: “Well, yes, he looks… Well, he certainly is a handsome man. Actually… it’s beyond me why others wouldn’t see it.”
Me: “Really? Beyond you? So you can’t think of ONE single reason why he kept being rejected here in the UK, a British citizen, grown up in the slums of Birmingham, into universities, into the MI5, in interviews for jobs? As long as they had him on the phone, all was going fine. And as soon as they saw him, they suddenly changed their mind. It’s really a “puzzler” that one…
But you know what? I’m grateful they all overlooked him. Given the big heart that he has, they would have kept him hidden from the world, using his talents for their own selfish reasons. But now it’s too late. I can spot talent from a mile away and I don’t mind sharing this amazing man with the world, as long as it’s on HIS ethical terms, or should I say OUR ethical terms.
So, yes, he might not have much time to just hang with me on the couch and watch Netflix, because he’s constantly inventing new things and fighting silly politicians to move their asses and actually DO something for their people, but he inspired me to share my knowledge about relationships just as much as I’ve inspired him to find ways how to empower the people.
I knew I’m marrying Batman. In the end, I can’t really complain:).”
Journalist: “Batman? Really? Why Batman?”
Me: “Oh, that’s an entirely different story, let’s continue this in our next meeting.”
Journalist: “Can’t wait to hear more about it. Thank you for your time!”